Another day brings another bittersweet memory of you
My body shudders again
And my muscles tense for the thousandth time today

I've stopped blaming myself, you know
I was so angry for so long
I doubt I'll ever believe a word anyone ever tells me again

I find myself walking often now
Walking often and to no where

Yesterday I walked until a void opened in front of my eyes
And I suppose I blacked out
When I awoke it was dark
And I was on your street

It felt like it must have been 80 degrees
Although well past 2 in the morning
But standing there on the familiar downward slope that was your driveway
It felt like Halloween was right around the corner again

Paralyzing butterflies flooded through my stomach
As my mind tore open memories I tried so hard to conceal
The laughs, the smiles
All the times I had to remember to breathe

That one damn night you held me
As if you thought you'd never get the chance to again
And when I shuddered I watched the clouds of my breath pass over your shoulder
Your tears on my neck were so warm and I was freezing
Yet I could do nothing to comfort you

There's a growing pain in my stomach
And there's no one offering comfort anymore
This won't be like the night you showed up well after midnight
Shortly after I had cried myself to sleep
I remember how you held me all night
I'm not sure if you even slept at all
You told me then we'd have a family together

I suppose I'm just too broken, too flawed
I said I had stopped blaming myself
But sometimes this torment sends me full circle
And it all begins again
I wake up suddenly in the moments after you left
Surrounded by broken pieces of myself too sharp to touch

I start to tremble
Squeezing my knees tight into my teeth
I can't break out of my head
My eyes grow dim and I can't focus long enough to find my bed
I can't sleep and I can't stay awake
I can't go on
Because I think my hands may have been molded for yours