I am tired again
Yet I rest so much these days
In my mind I can hear you laughing
I hope the pleasure your ripping from my pain turns to poison at your core
I’d kill you myself if I could just grow the strength

Sinking inside cataclysmic heaves of my chest
I fight back my exhaustion behind clenched teeth
Clawing my path up rotted cliffs
Dirt embeds deep beneath my fingernails
My knuckles turn red and then white as bone

Breathless and blinded by the sweat in my eyes
My lungs threaten to collapse with each breath
Sending out piercing bolts of pain that ripple up my neck

After a lifetime I reach the top, and the sun feels like pinholes in my skull
I collapse to the sound of birds cawing like demons searching out a soul
Yet in the midst of their cries I can still hear your steady chuckle
As constant and quickened as my heartbeat

But a mix of delirium and chemical create a new sense of clarity in me

Willing my eyes open, I take notice of ringlets of colored energy dancing
Depicting holograms of my nightmares against the trees
Blanketing the rocks, the sun, the clouds
Forming a ghoulish mold, quickly growing, reproducing
The energy travels in snaked lines closing in around me
Like intestines it tangles within my belly

Willing myself to stand, I try to brush off the hysteria
And it crumples like broken glass around my feet
My legs heave me across an embankment, forward in an unwilling sprint
I’ve never ran so fast, yet I can’t feel my body anymore
Hopscotching across a river of mossy stone steps
Sleep suddenly takes me and I land with misplaced grace
As the water stings my face in an icy flash of force

I guess I’ll never be willing to let go, give in
Your familiar smile flashes in my mind
Fading in and out while my brain struggles to hold thoughts
Although it’s not really your smile anymore
… I hope you know I loved that smile …
Because now I drown slowly in your mockery
Your crooked sneer is the last thing I see
As mind spirals away from me